Looking for some funny Happy New Year quotes and pictures? Here are 99 hilarious and motivational quote ideas to inspire you this holiday season.
Starting the new year with funny quotes is a way to kick things off on a positive, humorous note and remind yourself to take life a little less seriously.
Besides giving you an excuse to show off your sparkling wit, hilarious quotes add a pop of fun to any New Year’s greeting. They also let you share exciting possibilities and your New Year’s goal ideas in funny ways.
So, whether you’re looking to spice up your New Year’s toast with a bit of humor, add some zing to your adorable holiday cards, or just want to bond with family, you’ll find a delightful mix of witty and funny New Year quotes and sayings to start the year on a lighthearted note.
Best Funny New Year Quotes
New Year’s Eve is the perfect time to raise a glass of champagne and toast to a brighter tomorrow and 365 days of endless possibilities. To make the happy holidays even merrier, try these humorous (and maybe sarcastic) inspirational quotes:
Funny Happy New Year Quotes:
Okay, let’s dig into the funniest Happy New Year quotes and pictures you’ll see today.
Funny New Year Quotes and Sayings
1. “My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full… with ice cream!”
2. “I’m not making any wild or attainable resolutions this year. I’m perfect already. Said no one ever.”
3. “My laptop crashed right as the ball dropped. Now I’m stuck in a dialog window between last year and this one, frantically clicking ‘Retry’ on my resolutions.”
4. “My own new year will start on the first of February. January is simply a free trial month.”
5. “May your New Year’s Eve be so wild that even your mirror needs time for reflection the next morning!”
6. “Dear New Year’s resolution, it was fun while it lasted. Sincerely, January 2nd.”
7. Wishing you a hangover-free New Year’s day and a magical ability to remember all your terrible dance moves the next morning
8. Here’s to a New Year’s Eve where the only thing dropping faster than the ball is your inhibition to dance badly!
9. May the universe grant you a clean slate; just don’t confuse it with the empty plates from last night’s party buffet!”
10. “New Year’s Eve forecast: Mostly cloudy with a 100% chance of ‘Where did the year go?'”
11. “I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
12. “Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.” — Oscar Wilde
13. “My New Year’s resolution is to break all my New Year’s resolutions. That way I succeed at something!”
14. “My fortune cookie’s message of hope for the new year: ‘You will finally use that gym membership.’ I’m pretty sure it winked at me before I ate it.”
15. “I’m opening a gym called ‘Resolutions’. It will have exercise equipment for the first two weeks and then turn into a bar for the rest of the year.”
16. “My New Year’s resolution is to add a personal touch to everything I do. Starting with personally touching all the leftover holiday cookies… straight into my mouth.”
17. I’m going to stay up late this New Year’s Eve. Not to party, just to make sure the new year actually comes in.”
18. “New Year’s resolution: I will not make any more New Year’s resolutions… starting next year.”
19. “I’m not saying my New Year’s Eve party is boring, but the most exciting thing that happened was someone almost choking on a grape.”
20. “This year, I’m going to be 25% more awesome, 25% more modest, and the remaining 50%? Deep breaths to inflate my already enormous ego.
21. “I was going to make a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking, but I don’t smoke. So instead, I’m going to take it up.”
22. “New Year’s resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” – James Agate
23. “As the clock struck midnight, I found myself in a silent limbo between resolutions and reality. My abs were still pending, my bank account hadn’t magically grown, and my new hobby was still ‘coming soon.’ Welcome to the New Year, where ambition meets procrastination!”
24. “My New Year’s resolution is to become a stronger person… by lifting more wine glasses and pizza slices. Who says self-improvement can’t be delicious?”
25. “New Year’s Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” – Mark Twain
26. “This year, I’m embracing personal honesty. My resolution? To admit that my gym membership is really just a monthly donation to the fitness industry. Happy New Year to me and my couch!”
27. “This year, I resolve to use a 365-page book to share my hope for tomorrow. Plot twist: it’s just ‘Is it nap time yet?’ written 365 times. Spoiler alert: the answer is always yes.”
28. “I’m not saying my New Year’s resolution failed, but my new running shoes are really comfy for watching Netflix.”
29. “New Year’s Eve: the magical night when we celebrate the birth endings of our bad habits… only to conceive brand new ones at midnight. Cheers to the circle of life, resolutions edition!”
30. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions. Oops, I just told you, didn’t I?”
31. “The only ‘new’ thing about my New Year is the date I have to remember.”
32. “I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered I’m not a quitter.
33. “May your New Year be filled with so many friendly calls that your phone battery weeps and your eardrums file for divorce.
New Year Quotes From the Bible (With a Humorous Twist)
34. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones… so laugh more and creak less this New Year!” – Proverbs 17:22
35. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… including binge-watching your favorite shows.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1
36. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
37. “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you… and may He also bless you with a great sense of humor.” – Numbers 6:24-25
38. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God… and maybe a few jokes while you’re at it.” – Philippians 4:6
39. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength… including sticking to my New Year’s resolutions for more than a week.” – Philippians 4:13
40. “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus… even when your New Year’s Eve party is a flop.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18
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41. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you… and He probably enjoys a good laugh too.” – 1 Peter 5:7
42. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up… or if we do, there’s always next year!” – Galatians 6:9
43. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer… and creative in your New Year’s resolutions.” – Romans 12:12
44. “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing… except maybe a sense of direction on New Year’s Eve.” – Psalm 23:1
45. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding… especially when it comes to interpreting the instructions for assembling your new year gadgets.” – Proverbs 3:5
46. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well… including the willpower to resist that last slice of New Year’s cake.” – Matthew 6:33
47. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you… unless it’s the gym door on January 2nd, then it might be a bit crowded.” – Matthew 7:7
48. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son… and probably chuckled at our New Year’s resolutions too.” – John 3:16
49. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him… even when your New Year’s Eve kiss lands on the dog instead.” – Romans 8:28
50. “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances… even if my circumstances involve being stuck in traffic on New Year’s Day.” – Philippians 4:11
51. “The joy of the Lord is your strength… and so is laughter, especially when you’re trying to keep those resolutions.” – Nehemiah 8:10
52. “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt… and maybe a few dad jokes for good measure.” – Colossians 4:6
53. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go… even to that New Year’s party you’re dreading.” – Joshua 1:9
54. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love… closely followed by a good sense of humor.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13
55. “The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?… Except maybe the scale after all those holiday treats.” – Psalm 27:1
56. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future… nor failed New Year’s resolutions… can separate us from the love of God.” – Romans 8:38-39
57. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind… and maybe your wardrobe while you’re at it.” – Romans 12:2
58. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit… and those who are crushed by unrealistic New Year’s goals.” – Psalm 34:18
59. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds… like trying to remember all your new passwords in the new year.” – James 1:2
60. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble… including when you’re trying to navigate the post-holiday sales.” – Psalm 46:1
61. “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed… so share your leftover New Year’s champagne!” – Proverbs 11:25
62. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters… even if that work involves cleaning up after the New Year’s party.” – Colossians 3:23
63. “Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord… and all you who hope to keep your resolutions past January 3rd.” – Psalm 31:24
64. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him… and as you try to decipher your handwriting in last night’s resolution list.” – Romans 15:13
65. “Love your neighbor as yourself… but maybe love yourself enough to skip that 5 AM New Year’s Day run.” – Mark 12:31
66. “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus… and toward my goal of finally using that gym membership.” – Philippians 3:14
Funny and Short Positive New Year Quotes
67. “New Year, same me… but with a new haircut.”
68. “My New Year’s resolution is 1080p.”
69. “This will be the year I finally understand TikTok dances.”
70. “New year, new me… just kidding, I’m still awesome.”
71. “This year, I’m going to be so positive that even my blood type changes to A+.”
72. “New Year’s Eve: the only night of the year when the kitchen gets more attention than the TV.”
73. “New Year’s resolutions are a to-do list for the first week of January.”
74. “My New Year’s resolution is to be more rebellious. So I’m not making one.
75. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating. I’ll start tomorrow.”
76. “The year, I will learn to pronounce ‘quinoa’… or maybe not.”
77. “New Year’s resolution: eat less. New Year’s reality: eat less often, but larger portions.”
78. “This year, I will finally learn to fold a fitted sheet. Or accept that it’s impossible.
79. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.”
80. “My goal for the year: Finally use all those gift cards from 2020.”
81. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating. I’ll start tomorrow.”
82. “This year, I resolve to keep my resolutions list short because time flies.”
83. “My New Year’s resolution is to conquer the world… of my living room.”
84. “Resolutions: You make them, break them, and repeat the cycle every year.”
85. “This year, I’m going to be more assertive. If that’s okay with you?”
86. “New Year’s goal: Remember where I parked my car… every time.”
87. “New Year, same me. Well, maybe a new box of crayons.”
88. “My New Year’s resolution is to break all my New Year’s resolutions. That way I succeed at something!”
89. “I’m not buying a planner for the new year until I see the trailer.”
90. “A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”
91. “New Year’s resolution: Stop talking to myself. But I’m such a good listener!”
92. “My top goal: Finally finish that book I started in 2015.
93. “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!” – Joey Adams
94. “This year, I’m giving up my bad habits. Well, the ones I don’t enjoy anyway.”
95. “Another 365 days to crush it… or nap. I vote for both.”
96. “New Year’s resolution: Get my ducks in a row. Step one: Buy some ducks.”
97. “This year, I resolve to work smarter, not harder. Does anyone know how to do that?”
98. “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.”
99. “My New Year’s resolution is to be more mysterious. I can’t tell you the others.”
In Summary: Funny New Year Quotes and Sayings
Every new year is a blank book to gather messages of hope to move forward.
These 99 humorous quotes are ways to tickle your funny bone and feel positive about the New Year. Here’s to a year filled with joy, growth, and plenty of chuckles along the way.
