These funny Monday quotes will keep you inspired to launch into a positive week.
Mondays have a reputation that’s harder to shake than a hangover. It’s a love-hate relationship.
It’s easy to cling to the relaxing weekend vibes, and despite your Sunday reset routine, you can still feel you’re not yet ready for another dreadful day of the week.
But Mondays don’t get easier just because you dread them harder. But they do get easier when you can laugh at them.
So I rounded up 131 funny quotes for Monday: sarcastic ones, short ones, coffee-fueled ones, work ones, and a few that might even motivate you. Send them to your work bestie, use them as captions, or just read them in bed to see Monday as the start of a week of possibilities and smiles.
If you’re clutching your coffee cup for dear life, a little nervous about your goals, or trying to remember what your password is for the thousandth time, these hilarious Monday quotes will remind you that you can make it through the day.
If you need a more practical way to curb your Monday morning anxiety, you should grab the Present & Less Tense Journal Toolkit. It’s a 2-in-1 resource that pairs a guided journal with a step-by-step Tension Release Guide, so you can calm your mind and your body before the week takes over. Even a few minutes on Sunday night can make Monday morning feel so much lighter. Get the toolkit →
Funny Monday Morning Quotes
For the moment your alarm goes off and you question everything.
“My Monday alarm is just the sound of my dreams being cancelled.”
“I really need a day between Sunday and Monday to prepare my mind for all the Mondaying I have to do.”
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday.”
“Monday morning feels like a ninja sneaking up on you with a calendar.”
“My bed and I have a special relationship on Monday mornings. We’re deeply committed to each other.”
“Today’s Monday morning motivation is brought to you by pure denial.”
“Monday morning should come with a warning label: ‘May cause extreme desire to remain horizontal.’”
“I don’t have a case of the Mondays. I have an entire law firm.”
“My Monday morning routine: hit snooze 17 times, question all my life choices, and eventually get up.”
“Monday morning vocabulary: Nope. Can’t. Tomorrow. Strong coffee. What?”
“Whoever invented Mondays clearly wasn’t thinking about human happiness, or basic survival instincts.”
Funny Monday Quotes for a Great Day
These motivational quotes will give you a good chuckle.
“On Mondays, I’m like a computer trying to boot up on Windows 95.”
“Monday is like a math problem: add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
“I’ve got my Monday pants on. You know, the ones with the elastic waistband for emotional eating.”
“Monday is perfect for becoming a new person, because nobody recognizes you anyway.”
“Breaking news: Monday still happens every seven days. Scientists baffled.”
“My Monday superpower is looking like I’m working while mentally planning my weekend.”
“Monday: the moment Sunday stops answering your calls.”
“Plot twist: what if we started calling Monday ‘Second Sunday’? Would that help?”
“Today’s forecast: a 99% chance of not wanting to Monday.”
“Monday’s motto: if at first you don’t succeed, coffee, coffee, coffee.”
“Monday is the terms and conditions of the week. Nobody reads it, but we all have to accept it.”
Short Funny Quotes for Mondays
If you’re an anti-Monday person, here are some short and punchy quotes to start Monday with a dose of humor.
“Monday: permission to be messy granted.”
“Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
“Monday called. I hung up.”
“Warning: Monday does not believe in weekends.”
“Monday: 1. Me: 0.”
“Plot twist: it’s Monday again.”
“Monday = Coffee² + Hope.”
“Dear Monday, you should take a holiday.”
“Monday: the audacity.”
“Loading Monday… Error 404.”
“Monday, again? Bold.”
Sarcastic & Witty Monday Quotes
Want some ideas for witty Monday quotes? Try these sarcastic quips to start the week with vigor.
“I’m not a morning person or a Monday person. I’m barely a person before noon.”
“My Monday mood is sponsored by the letters N and O.”
“Monday questions my life choices more than my mother does.”
“I speak fluent Monday. It sounds a lot like grumbling.”
“Monday is the perfect time to reboot yourself. Unfortunately, I can’t find my power button.”
“Mondays aren’t so bad. It’s your job that’s the problem.”
“I’m not saying Monday ruined my life, but I’m not not saying that.”
“Monday is the kind of day that makes your calendar need therapy.”
“If Mondays were shoes, they’d be Crocs: functional, but questionable.”
“Oh good, Monday. My favorite day to pretend I’m fine.”
“‘I love Mondays,’ said no one, ever.”
Hilarious Quotes About Monday
Have a fantastic week with these funny sayings about Monday.
“Monday should be optional, like pants on the weekend.”
“I didn’t choose the Monday life. The Monday life chose violence.”
“Monday is like stepping on a Lego first thing in the morning.”
“My Monday face looks like I’m still processing last week’s drama.”
“Monday feels like someone glued my eyelids together while I was sleeping.”
“Monday exists to remind us that life isn’t all tacos and margaritas.”
“Monday morning meetings are like family reunions: long, awkward, and someone’s always asleep.”
“If Monday had a face, I’d throw a pie at it.”
“Monday is the equivalent of stepping in a puddle with socks on.”
“Monday feels like when your phone says it’s charged, then dies at 97%.”
“Monday is basically a full-time job on top of my other full-time job.”
Funny Monday Coffee Quotes
Hey coffee lovers! Here are some funny quotes to start your week. Because, well, Monday and coffee are a package deal.
“My blood type is Monday morning coffee.”
“Dear Coffee, I know we see each other every day, but Monday is special.”
“Monday coffee: because rage alone won’t cut it.”
“Coffee: the only reason I haven’t committed any Monday-related crimes.”
“Monday + coffee = still Monday, but bearable.”
“Monday morning coffee is the only relationship I need right now.”
“My coffee intake on Monday is directly proportional to my meeting schedule.”
“Coffee: because Monday understands nothing else.”
“Monday’s secret ingredient is coffee. And more coffee. And maybe tears.”
“Monday without coffee is just a very long, very sad nap.”
“Step one of my Monday plan: coffee. Step two: see step one.”
🛒 My Monday survival kit:
- A funny Monday coffee mug
- An insulated tumbler that keeps coffee hot all morning
- A desk planner for a calm and organized week
- If you prefer digital planners, try microsoft To-Do. It’s simple and can be synced on mobile and laptop
Funny Monday Quotes for Work
For the office, the group chat, and the Monday morning meeting.
“My Monday to-do list: survive the inbox, attend the meeting that could’ve been an email, repeat.”
“Monday at work: where ‘living the dream’ means ‘surviving the nightmare.’”
“My Monday productivity peaks at setting up my out-of-office reply for Friday.”
“Monday meetings: where minutes are kept and hours are lost.”
“My Monday work outfit is powered by dry shampoo and false confidence.”
“Monday work motivation: remembering I need money for tacos.”
“Professional on Monday = keeping the screaming internal.”
“My Monday work schedule is basically a comedy of errors.”
“Monday work goals: look busy while doing absolutely nothing.”
“I excel at work on Mondays. And by excel, I mean I open Microsoft Excel.”
“Monday work wisdom: if you’re going to procrastinate, at least look stressed about it.”
Want to actually get things done this Monday? Try my 2-hour productivity sprint, or the best ADHD productivity tips I swear by, or these tips for your most productive week IF focus is your Monday nemesis.
Mindful & Funny Sayings for Monday
These motivation quotes are a great way to maintain zen and start the week with a dose of positivity.
“Monday is a state of mind. And right now, my mind is in Hawaii.”
“Mindfully acknowledging that Monday exists. Still don’t like it.”
“Finding inner peace on Monday is like sorting mismatched socks: theoretically possible.”
“Monday mantra: I am one with my coffee.”
“Breathing in peace, breathing out Monday chaos.”
“Monday mindfulness: accepting that my zen has a sense of humor.”
“Being present on Monday means being presently annoyed.”
“Monday meditation: focus on the weekend ahead.”
“Finding balance on Monday means not falling asleep in meetings.”
“Mindfully choosing to ignore that it’s Monday.”
“Monday wisdom: sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is laugh.”
Want to feel more present (and a lot less tense) this week?
If your shoulders are already up by your ears on Monday morning, the Present & Less Tense Journal Toolkit is for you. Inside, you’ll learn:
Silly Monday Quotes
Want a week of smiles? Here are some silly quotes to roast Monday.
“Monday wears a onesie to formal events.”
“If Monday were a pizza topping, it would be anchovies.”
“Monday dances like your dad at a wedding.”
“Monday is that friend who always shows up to the party uninvited.”
“Monday puts the milk in the bowl before the cereal.”
“Monday uses Comic Sans unironically.”
“Monday thinks a hot dog is a sandwich.”
“Monday still has a MySpace account.”
“Monday claps when the plane lands.”
“Monday replies all to company-wide emails.”
“Monday eats Kit Kats without breaking them apart first.”
I Hate Monday Quotes (Monday Blues Edition)
These hilarious, uplifting quotes are good for when you’re not trying to love Monday. You’re just trying to survive it.
“My Monday blues are more like Monday heavy metal.”
“Monday blues? I prefer Monday snooze.”
“Fighting the Monday blues with rainbow sprinkles and denial.”
“Monday blues hit harder than my first breakup.”
“Monday blues are just the Sunday scaries with a tie on.”
“My Monday blues playlist is just me screaming into the void.”
“Monday blues: when even your blues have blues.”
“Treating my Monday blues with chocolate therapy.”
“Monday blues: the only blues coffee can’t fix.”
“My Monday blues deserve their own Netflix series.”
“Monday blues are just Friday withdrawal.”
Humorous Monday Motivation Quotes
Need a good way to start Monday feeling motivated? Try these funny quotes.
“Making Monday my friend, because keeping enemies close is exhausting.”
“Monday motivation: at least you’re not a Monday.”
“Turning Monday into Funday, one delusion at a time.”
“Monday is just a day that reminds you how awesome the other days are.”
“Inspiring myself to Monday by promising myself tacos.”
“Monday: the perfect day to start living someone else’s inspirational quote.”
“Making Monday magical by pretending it’s Friday.”
“Monday is just Sunday with a mission.”
“Manifesting a Monday that doesn’t feel like a Monday.”
“Monday: the day that teaches us what we’re really made of. (Mostly coffee.)”
Funny “Tomorrow Is Monday” Quotes
For Sunday night, when the dread starts creeping in.
“Sunday night: when my weekend and my anxiety have a quick handover meeting.”
“Tomorrow is Monday. Please send snacks and emotional support.”
“Sunday at 8 pm: ‘I’m going to be so productive tomorrow.’ Monday at 8 am: ‘Who said that?’”
“The Sunday scaries are just Monday’s trailer.”
“Every Sunday night, I lay out my Monday outfit like I’m preparing for battle.”
“Me on Sunday night, squeezing the weekend like the last bit of toothpaste.”
The real fix for the Sunday scaries? A little prep. Try my Sunday reset checklist to tidy up, plan your week, and walk into Monday feeling ready.
Funny Monday Affirmation Quotes
Check out these Monday affirmation quotes for a week filled with humor and enthusiasm.
“I am one with Monday, and Monday is… well, still being difficult, but we’re working on our relationship.”
“I attract positive Monday energy. By positive, I mean I positively need more coffee.”
“Today, I acknowledge my Monday feelings and give them permission to go bother someone else.”
“I manifest Monday productivity by convincing myself that my bed is actually my office.”
“I radiate Monday confidence, which is basically Sunday confidence with better posture and more caffeine.”
Want affirmations that aren’t jokes? Here are 89 daily affirmations for women and 100 powerful I am affirmations to start every day (yes, even Monday) on the right foot.
Here’s to Surviving Monday
Mondays will always be Mondays.
But you don’t have to walk into them stressed, scattered, and clutching your coffee for dear life. A good laugh helps. A little prep helps more. And a few quiet minutes to clear your head on Sunday night? That’s the real game-changer.
Make your Mondays feel lighter. The Present & Less Tense Journal Toolkit gives you a gentle daily rhythm and the tools to release what your body’s been holding onto, so you can stop racing through your weeks and actually live them. Get yours here →
Now go forth and conquer Monday. Or at least survive it with your sense of humor intact.
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